Introducing Pisang - Part One

"What should I write in this blog?" I asked my self earlier before I decided to post a short story about my self. Yeah, I'm going to write something about my life, to introduce visitors to the owner's life.

So, Pisang is not my real name, but some persons called me Pisang when I was still in college. I use the name Pisang here because I thought that Pisang is so yellowish and eye-catching. A very good bright yellow banana is very elegant, like a piece of art.

I am a Chinese Indonesian. I like Chinese culture and literature because my father introduced me into it since I was very small. I'm proud being Chinese descendant, but I realize that I am not Chinese citizens, and I don't want to live there as much as I want to live in Indonesia. I was born in Indonesia, I grew up here, my friends are here, my family's here, my life is here, and I don't want to live anywhere else. I too have the passion: to make Indonesia a better place.

I was graduated from the US with Engineering major but unlike people's belief that US graduates are all sophisticated, I'm so moderate. My skill in Engineering is not any better than Indonesian graduates with GPA (IP) above 3.0. My English is also very limited. I could read quite fast, but my conversation skill is very low. Well, it is not that bad, I could survive just alright, but if compares with common Indonesians there my communication skill is below average.

Many people dreams to study abroad, but not too many people understand its consequences, I didn't. I decided to study abroad without worrying too many things. 6 years ago, I just jumped in to the SQ plane to go to the states with very high confidence and very low English skill.

Things didn't go as well as I hoped. My years in the states could be said as a very unfortunate journey. I was depressed almost all the time, especially during my second and third years. At one time I even almost decided to suicide. It was not even close, I did not even hurt my self, but the thought was there, I was thinking to jump out of the window.

One might ask, what is the worst that could happen such that a spoil boy want to kill him self?
It is not a black-and-white situation. If I faced the situation when I was in highschool (when I was so happy most of the time), I would not think to suicide at all. The thing is, when I was in the states, little by little my positive attitude was taken away. At one time, one unfortunate event happenned and I went depressed. Before the depression went away, another unluckiness came, and I got a little bit more depressed. It went-on-and-on, until I did not even enjoy my hobby, until I didn't feel that I need to smile on anything, until I thought I really didn't deserve happines at all. When I was in this condition, suddenly something big stroke me, alas, I couldn't hold my self anymore, I exploded, I exploded inwardly: my heart was blown, I became one heartless ~ joyless foreign student.

Actually, I was not the only one who had hard times. Many of my Indonesian friends experienced the same thing, only maybe they weren't as depressed as me, and I believe none of them was thinking to suicide.

However, I can't say that the US experience did not give me anything. I learnt alot there too. I learnt so many about life and the world. I became more introvert, but my introvertness increased my sensitivity toward others. Things were taken away, but the gaps were filled with something else.

I guess, I will continue my life story tommorow. Let's just assume that this posting is part one of my life story: introducing pisang part one.